Ya Gotta Giggle

I have caught myself saying all to often.. I had to laugh or I was going to cry... I believe that laughter does heal. I know that it makes me feel better. I use it as a coping mechanism .. I always try to find something funny in the stupid things that I do. I love to tell stories to make people laugh .. to ease the tension of difficult situations. I have even found the funniest things are the moments when live is showing up just how human we are. the following is an example of just that. ( to those of you that have heard this story Sorry it's a good one !!!)

And there I was, in this tiny fitting room, with this very tiny blouse stuck around my shoulders. One foot braced against the wall, my butt against the other, trying desperately to ease this thing off. I prayed for divine intervention. GOD please I know I ignore you but I promise if you get me out of this blouse. I’ll do anything…I swear. No wait I’ll stop swearing.

My arms fell, the blouse intact. I sighed catching a glimpse of my newly rounded cheeks and puffy eyes staring back at me. I wanted to cry. I thought this can’t be me and how did I ever end up in here in Wal-Mart of all places. I sighed as I pulled myself together. No one would ever know.

The clerk’s face gleaming, her eyes wide open, I could see her body jerk as she held back the laughter.

“How’d ya do??” she giggled.

Oh my God, I was mortified, I must have been grunting. She heard me. I mustered a smile.

“It doesn’t fit! “ off I went.

Compared to the smile on her face the truth might be a tad disappointing or was it? As I wandered around I found myself imagining what could have happened if the clerk had to rescue me. I delighted in what thoughts I could only imagine were going through her head. Plus how, silly was that to think that I still fit into a small. Thanks to Prednisone. With each image or thought I noticed I was going
from a giggle to a laugh to completely laughing out loud. The laughter consumed me. For the first time in ages I let myself go. I laughed until I cried. This was my life and it was ok. I could have cried in horror but I didn’t. Somehow I felt better. Laughter was the best medicine that day.

I also learned there is a reason for stretchy clothes. Oh my, that’s another story.

Thank You Walmart shoppers. No thank you.

For all of you that made it this far in my post I invite you to join me on Tuesday August 7th at 7pm EST for my upcoming teleclass Seriously YA Gotta Giggle. Please check out my website at http://www.holisticendeavours.ca/ on my event page. Let's all try and find something to laugh about today.

Dare to dream

I clearly remember when I purchased this home. I wanted a cute garden to have my morning coffee in, a place to inspire me to write. I wanted to be able to admire the fruits of my labor. Much thought and planning went into it. I had a vision. I had a dream. I actually made it a reality.

Now this morning I sit here starring at the blooming day lilies peeking out from behind my overgrown bushes (and oh god I can’t remember the last time I mowed the lawn.)

I am planning another move. Rationally I know the reasons for this move are all practical and all the reality of my living with chronic illness. Financially it’s even a really good idea. Somehow, I can’t to allow myself to dream about it. Actually I can’t seem to allow myself to dream much at all about anything.

Normally I set goals very well; I always have had a 5 year plan. I know what I want. I know what I need. But here I sit asking myself.. What is the one thing I aspire to hope for? I don’t know. Do you know what you hope for?

Have I allowed my health issues to stand in the way of Dreaming? So much so that I can’t allow myself to run free with my thoughts of what could be. Am I afraid that I can’t have it??

What is it I dream. hmmm

I‘ve been struggling to figure out a way to move beyond this . How can I get myself back to a place where my dreams are made of, give myself the freedom to run free with my thoughts.

I realized I can dare to dream . I can challenge myself .It is the first step towards allowing myself to dream.

As a Coach I know life is made of dreams. Dreams are the motivation to move forward. They keep us going. Plus knowing what you want … is the only way to get there.

If you’re having trouble letting yourself dream , then I dare you to just let yourself try. See what happens.

(OH, I just realized.. My new place is a condo. I don’t have to cut the grass!! thank god! )

Let's keep it real

You know, I admit I spend many years pretending to be OK I wanted everyone to think that I was healthy and strong Because Illness was a sign of weakness and I was anything but weak,.

Then one day a light bulb went off .. I was spending way to much energy at pretending. No wonder I was so exhausted. If I look back at all I have endured in the last few years. Living with chronic illness is definitely not for the weak.

I vowed to keep it real ( or to try ) to conserve my energy to respect my body and my mind. I realized I was only pretending to make those around me more comfortable

So now that means telling it like it is
No I don’t feel well today.
It’s not a good day.
Yes I am fighting frustration

Smiling .. is not happening Not today. It’s too exhausting.

Oh and if I seem angry today. Well Yeah. Maybe I am that too.

Let’s be real, It is okay to have bad days. It’s Okay that I don’t feel well or I am frustrated Because I know that tomorrow will be a better day.

Normal never comes

I keep waiting for life

To return to normal

Planning for the day

I feel better

Waiting for the doctors

To cure me

I keep waiting but

Normal never comes /06


I am amazed that a good year after I wrote this poem. I am still waiting.. what am I waiting for? I am waiting for my life to return,to what it used to be. But not with the same passion as before.

I thought that waiting and hoping were the same thing. I thought if I wasn't waiting for something to happen I was letting go of hope. There has to be something to hope for doesn't there. It was key to my moving forward, it keep me going or did it?

I slowly began to realize that it doesn't mean I am giving up hope to accept they way my life is now. I realize that what we hope for changes and what our normal is NOW will never be what our normal was. You know, that is ok. It took alot of energy waiting, honestly I think it consumed me. Now I hope, yeah ... but to accept lessens the struggle in moving forward and finding new things to hope for.